Branded an Outsider at Home, Broken Abroad: The Cost of Finding My Father

Picture this. You are growing up in Nairobi, Kenya. As a young boy, you know nothing except your name and that of your mother. Nothing about your dad. Then suddenly, a child, much older than you, shouts, Mzungu! or M’China! You are left confused. This is my story.

My name is Brian Lian. I am 25 years old and have both Kenyan and Chinese blood. The Mzungu, M’ China name-calling started from one child while we were playing, but I quickly got used to the names. As I was growing up, many people in my village embraced that as if it was my only name. That is how they used to call me even though they knew how much I loathed the name.

Nobody remains a child forever. I grew up still being referred to as Mzungu or M’ China, this time not only by people in my village but also by strangers on the streets and schoolmates.

One thing about me is that I have a very clear memory of things that I have gone through in the past, so I can remember even my conversations like, “Mum, why do I look different? Some people are calling me Mzungu, some M’China.” I even remember in school when I was in Class Three, a boy made fun of me saying that I was wearing shorts like some Chinese people he saw somewhere.

I wanted to know from my mum if there were some truths in all that. Unfortunately, when I raised these questions, mum told me, “There is something I will tell you, but later when you grow up.” So, I got curious and asked, “When will I grow up?” Then she told me that once I complete Class Eight. Read: This is why I'm still looking for my biological father years on. A promise is a debt, so after I completed Class Eight, I went back to her with the question.

I was young but deep down I knew something was different. I never noticed a difference between me and my siblings. Only outsiders made me feel different but at home everything was normal. I am grateful for my mum's efforts in bringing us up and always providing for us despite not having a white collar job. When I asked her again, Mum still ignored the question and told me I was still a child.

After high school, that rebellious stage, I demanded that she tell me the truth. That is when she told me that my dad is a Chinese man who lived in Kenya briefly as a trader. He owned a bedding store in Nairobi’s Kilimani area where they both met before my dad was deported to China in the early 2000s.

After deportation, according to my mum, he went incommunicado. She wrote many letters but it appears that the address in the notebook was not the correct one or probably the messages were not reaching my dad. She also showed me his photos, then gave me the post office address that she was using to contact my dad. Sadly, none of her letters ever got a reply.

After this revelation, I started searching for my dad immediately. I went online and tried to find his full Chinese name that was in the notebook that he left behind. I scanned the photos, googled, searched on Facebook but nothing came up. I would search for my dad’s name on the internet all day and sometimes, all night. At some point I got tired but I couldn’t live without finding him.

So, I started to search for organisations that connect missing people with their loved ones. That is how I came across a foreign company that traces families. However, I had to pay 500 dollars (Sh65,000) but being a student, I did not have the money.

Later, I joined the University of Nairobi where I pursued a Bachelor's degree in Real Estate. However, my passion for film and media brought me several acting opportunities in different TV shows that earned me pocket money as a student. Read: Mum, I’d like to tell you something… Puzzle of Likoni woman’s murder, missing body parts By the time I was graduating, I had already gained video production skills, and that is how I landed my current role, Content Officer at StarTimes in Nairobi. It was while we were at work that I met a Chinese student who had come to Kenya to conduct her research. We became friends and kept in touch. After a while, I told her about my Chinese heritage, and she agreed to help me search for my dad.

Together, we recorded a video where I told my story and made an appeal asking for help in looking for my dad. When I started searching for my dad, I was hopeful but also anxious. I didn’t know what to expect. I was just ready for whatever came next.

Then boom! The clip went viral on the internet, with millions of views in China. That shocked me. I would scroll through and read the comments and my heart would break. Some people were kind but many made fun of my mixed heritage. Among the millions who watched my video was my aunt’s friend.

She took the clip to my aunt, who then contacted my Chinese friend who had posted it, telling him he knows my dad! “This man looks very familiar. He is my brother and we are actually very surprised that he had a child because he never had a child when he came back from Africa. Sadly, he passed away three years ago,” he said.

I was at work when my friend came to show me the message. It was last year. I did not know how to feel. I cannot even remember how that day went but all I know is that I left work earlier than usual. A few moments later, I called mum and when I told her the story, she broke down.

That made me shed some tears. It was a very intense afternoon for me. Imagine all that anxiety building up then you get such an unpleasant twist. I felt like Mum should have started searching for Dad earlier, but she told me that she tried searching and even went to the Embassy of the People’s Republic of China in Kenya.

I had also gone to the same embassy at some point but I did not have much information about Dad so they couldn’t help me. If I had started the search earlier, I think I would have met my dad because he died in 2019. I was already 18 years old by then. Read: Murdered woman, suspect boss and mysterious white car in Thika I say proudly that I inherited a gift from both worlds (Africa and Asia). I look very much Chinese but inside, I am 90 per cent Kenyan. I have grown up and been schooled in Kenyan schools and a university.

If I had an hour with Daddy, he would be the one to do most of the talking. I would be busy asking questions. I would want to hear his side of the story.

The search for my dad has transformed my perspective about society, culture, heritage and diplomacy because I now embrace who I am. My dad’s story and how he met mum here in Nairobi reminds me to be very cautious, especially in matters of relationships.

I hope my story will be very different from my dad’s. I believe there are many out there looking for their foreigner fathers. My advice to you is that a family is not a place or a destination. A home is where you feel loved. The universe always has a plan for you and it is good when you embrace your strengths and your weaknesses. Never change who you are because at the end of the day, we are all one species. I am now in touch with my three aunties in China.

I am still hopeful that I will one day visit Dad’s grave. One of my aunties showed me a picture of the place where they buried his ashes. Now that I have closure, I have renewed focus. I want to go to China to pursue a Master’s degree in Corporate Management or Business Administration. I also plan to visit the family.

Growing up without my biological dad has not been easy. There are moments I really felt his absence, especially during school events when the other dads were showing up. I had hoped that my dad would help me answer questions about my culture and heritage.

Meeting him would have given me so much more clarity. I would be so happy to see him but perhaps I would be mad at him. I had imagined that sort of confused, emotionally intense meeting, but the universe had its way. After my studies in China, I will come back to Kenya and apply my knowledge because east or west, home is the best. But first, I appeal to any Chinese learning institution with a scholarship opportunity for a Master’s degree to consider me.”

Story courtesy of Daily Nation